_of The Cases of Highly Interesting People

  If you were a bookish person like I do, you would definitely know the famous-amous book of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.

Note the word "know", not "read". Because I know the book, but I never read it.

And just for your information, it has nothing to do with this post. Ha!

  But I want to talk about CHIP. I had the privilege of meeting/knowing these people who work in a mysterious and highly interesting ways that I cannot fathom. Cue in...

...The Mysterious Persons...

CHIP #1: The couple in the cinema.

  Q.L. and I were watching a movie. Not just any movie, but The movie.

I bet you thought it was the Transformers, didn't you?

  And what can be CHIP about this? Well, a couple sat at my far left (note the word "far"). And throughout the time, there was this annoying bumping/jerking actions from them. After the n-th time they did it, I was pretty damned annoyed. Cue in...

...my annoyed face.

  See, I was watching a comedy and I had to keep an eye on my bag for fear of safety (which was put near them, no one was sitting on my left). I didn't think anything was amiss at that time, so I continue to watch my movie (coz I paid, see. I've paid.)

  After the movie, I told Q.L. about it and highlighted my annoyance. What surprised me was that she said she saw the girlfriend's legs were crossed on top of the boyfriend's lap.

Issue #1: Let's leave it to the imagination about what they were doing. But honestly, people, it's a freaking children-rated movie. Not some lovey-dovey romantic chick flicks. And justsoyouknow,thepeoplebehindyousawexactlywhatyouweredoing.

CHIP #2: The skinny-like-a-woodboard girl at the food court.

  Yes, I could see that you were so thin and skinny and all. And I admit, I am not thin and skinny and all. However, skinny lady, there is a reason why there was a signboard asking you to "PLEASE QUEUE". There is really no need to...

...slide...

 ..nor to...

...sneak around us (to cut the Q, so to speak).

Issue #2: The two characteristics are well-known through two. I did not believe for one second that you are the number one type, which is...

...a thief.

   So, that leaves us with the number two option.

If you were this, I must be an absolute idiot for not taking a picture of you.

One word for this particular lady:

With that attitude, no one would dream of becoming your cupid.

Just saying.

CHIP #3: The kids at the bookstore. 

  Though I labelled them as kids, they were in fact teenage boys. Which kind of explained their CHIP behaviour, really.

  Cue in...

...a highly well-known bookstore...

and some "kids" who went there obviously not for reading/buying any kind of books...

Kids, you are equivalent to this Annoying Orange. See how annoying that is?

Issue #3: Well, for one, I was there to read books. And I knew that I wasn't in your way, except if you count ignoring your childish "Hi~~", then I do apologize. Therefore, it stands to reason that your comment about my body would not have any effect on me. 

And if you think your nasty little remark is going to leave me crying for days, it goes to show you are kids, lil' boys.

So, there you have it. My own compilation of CHIPs. Do you have some?

_of Summer Job (Kitchen Helper Version)

  I need a summer job.

There, I've said it.

  This summer vacation leaves me with nothing to do in so much time. Therefore, I have devised a way to advertise my own skills in my own original way. Behold...

Kitchen Helper version

  For those out there who actually own/manage/supervise a cafe/restaurant, please find enclosed the "Top FIVE Reasons of Why You Should Hire Me Indefinitely":

1. I know when a Lobster needs its Butter Bath.

  Obviously, you people know what is a lobster and what is a butter. For those of you who don't know (let's say, having reasons equivalent to being under a Rock for years or staying in a Stone Age), lemmejustputsomepicsupforyou...

...this is a lobster.

...and that is butter.

   So, it is (to me) a very exceptional skill to drown cook a lobster in a butter bath. And I am proud to say that I  knew how to do that from scratch.

After this, you just don't wanna mess around with me.

2. I know for a fact that salt is vegetarian in nature.

  Many people think that salt is derived from animal and stuff. Think again. What I will tell you might just blow your head away, and it won't return back to your neck. Just trust me when I say...

3. When Nature gives you Carrot, you have to stop Carrot Violence.

  Some of you might not know it, but Q.L. is equivalent to a carrot. 

That is Q.L.'s caricature.

  So, imagine her surprise when I say, an owner/manager/supervisor of a cafe/restaurant should hire me because I pledge to...

4. Something about Cheese.

  Ahh. Cheese. We are so on a right track here with cheese. 

There is runny cheese.

There is hidden cheese.

...and that is SO NOT a cheese.

  But you know what can I do to impress you? I know (with my eyes closed) that...

^_______________^

5. Two different things put together would mean ONE single thing.

  Well, you recognize corn...

...and you sometimes seen hair around...

(or was that two sentences the other way around? Never mind.)

  I will bet $3.85 that the current owner/manager/supervisor of my dream job in his/her cafe/restaurant does NOT know that...

...we never do that. Not professionally, I mean.

So, FIVE (!!!) reasons are not enough for you? *encore encore* More, you meant?

Last but not least...

Extra: Unlike some people (like Q.L. apparently), I know what is a tomato and a mango.

*sneer*

  And before you throw it on my face, I know the image above is a red capsicum. *smug-looking smile*

Now, 

who wanna hire me?

_of Curse in Bali?

 Really? 

Curses... like this?

  I was blogwalking today, looking for food reviews in some noted floggers' blogs. And somehow (rather inexplicably, really), I stumbled upon this Bali curse.

---excerpt summarized from what I've read across the Internet---

"Bali curse: Happens when couples (unwedded, mostly) take vacation (together, IT IS A MUST) in Bali (where else?) and then, some long-deceased (WAY too insensitive of me) princess curses them and they will INEXPLICABLY break up/split a few months (weeks? I don't really bother) after that."

---excerpt ended---

  

So, what do I think about it?

  Quite interesting, really. But since I am single, I don't think this is going to be tested soon.

WHYYYYYY~~~ *in the voice of Gwyneth Paltrow's version of Forget You*

  But assuming, for the sake of lengthening my scarce posting activity recently, that I do get there in the future with my-very-wonderful-boyfriend-going-to-be-husband-who-looks-EXACTLY-like-Taylor-Lautner-with-the-most-"to-die-for"-body/abs, the ONLY reason of why we will break up is because of...

Hell. For one who constantly eats, refuses exercise and loves being a couch potato(*), I am sure THIS will DEFINITELY be the death of our relationship.

Assuming, indeed, I get my claws hooks pretty hands on a Taylor-lookalike.

Now, where is my Mr. Perfect?!

P.S.: Just to wrap this up, I know at least ONE COUPLE who did not end up splitting after going to Bali. They ended getting married instead. See how NOT being superstitious can get you far?

---Side note--- 

(Read this on Teddy's World. It's funny, believe me.)

某女生作诗曰：
一日黄昏漫步，见一男生装酷，呕吐，呕吐，低头只想撞树。

男生回诗曰：
一日自习深处，见一恐龙撞树，恐怖，恐怖，可怜那棵小树。

西卒是个醉，

月垂是个睡，

酒仙李太白，

怀抱酒坛在土坡睡，

不知他是醉，

不知他是睡；

月长是个胀，

月半是个胖，

太师秦夫人，

怀抱大肚在花园逛，

不知她是胀，

不知她是胖。


(*): Me, I was talking about me. Not my-going-to-be-boyfriend. Now, who wants to date me?

_of RM9.80 iPad

Usually, you will start with...

  "OMG!-OMG!-iPad-got-SO-CHEAP-oledi???"

Then, as you read more,

  You realize that iPad has Gone Underworld.

Courtesy of The Star.

After all that reading, to make yourself even more 欠扁 (read: idiotic/slightly more academic), you ask in the manner of one Professor quizzing his/her favourite GPA 4.0 student:

  "Has Apple gone so famous that the dead would like to have one too?"

Allow me to knock-your-breath-out-of-you-and-bash-you-around-the-head (in an un-student-ish manner) and comment:

  "Walaowei!! Dead people also used to be human beings lah, why you so fussy one de???"

Less than 5 seconds later.

You give me The Look.

  For those who don't know it, today is Qing Ming (清明), or as the local Malaysians called it, the Cheng Beng Festival (the local slang). So, don't stay outside late today, take my advice: Cancel EVERY arrangement, even if it is a dinner in Starhill JOGOYA.

For obvious reason, I choose to do this.

p.s.: I think this would make a great belated April Fool prank, if only it wasn't real.